Steve Solomon

Steve's Blog - Things My Therapist Never Told Me

I Watched In Disbelief

I was performing at a resort area in The Northeast. Ah…Another day in geriatric paradise. The fresh smell of the ocean breeze. The glitter of the sun’s reflection off the shimmering waves.  The sounds of children playing on the water’s edge.  The view of very old people in skimpy bathing suits. Seniors in bikinis - chubby seniors in bikinis. Don’t they own mirrors?  The sounds of them coughing up phlegm, laughing as they passed gas and cursing at the kids for splashing them.

This isn’t, as you would expect, South Florida. It’s ... well, someplace in South Jersey I’ve never seen seniors like this…never!  It’s where certain “low-lives” come to be interred; indeed, a senior burial ground.

Rowdy seniors!  A whole new concept!  Beer toting, tattooed, foul mouthed SENIORS physically arguing on the merits of imported vs. domesticated beer and whether or not Clinton should get at statue in his honor;  aggressively shouting and giving each other the finger as to the benefits of “doggy-style” vs. “Chinese basket” sex. Intellectual discourse, leading inevitably to violent interactions amongst the elderly, chubby, bikini wearing elderlies   Fighting aggressively over THE place to bowl, whose tattoo of Hitler is the nicest and whose parole officer was the best ... and those are the women.


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